Beauty.Controversy.Fashion.Life

So close it tastes so sweet

so far its bitter like gull

So near its the chill of a cold winter making the tiny hairs on my body wake  up

So rare it happens once in a blue moon

So inspiring when all hope is gone it can make you believe

So strong it can bring up tears you never knew you had

So testing it can bring out the best in you

So beautiful I fall in love with her over and over again

So ugly is the pain knowing that I cant have her now

So daring it makes me, i want to climb mountains and pitch tents  in  the middle of nowhere if it means that at the end of it all  I will have  her

So free, she embraces me 

So, diligently I must work, I must fight, I must run the race till the very end,  till I can call her my own.

Have you every stopped to think about your life. I mean completely STOPPED…. like when you are driving real fast and you hit the brakes right before u run into someone or something. Lol well not that dramatic….

Lately I have found myself stopping and thinking,  I think so hard sometimes people around me ask me if everything is ok. Don’t get me wrong everything is going on smoothly for me in my life. I have a loving family, a college degree, a great job, and the everlasting love from my God BUT I still find myself searching for something more.

I come from a family where every one MUST succeed, everything you do you MUST do well and to the best of your ability. When I was young i would make 90s on exams and my dad would say “why didn’t you get a 100, did anyone else do better”

Well with that alone ive grown knowing that I always have to be at the top of my game at all times. No matter what aspect of life I always have to excel.

Imagine judgement day when you walk up to the gates of heaven God asks you something like ” what was your purpose in life”That has to be the ultimate blow ( I think everyone should be able to see your purpose in life if you have a purpose).

I think that every step we make in life should be accounted for. No I’m not saying don’t live life to the fullest. If you know me well I am the biggest advocate for living it till its limits have been reached and of course the limits are the skies.

My purpose: To be who God wants me to be, to be a great sister ,daughter and one day wife and mother to my family. To be successful and use my riches to help others in need.

Things my parents always told me:

“Had i known should never come from your mouth” - No regrets - Mom

“Until your good is better you MUST never rest” - Dad

“Its not in the Tomety blood to not be successful” - Dad

“God made you for a purpose ” - Mom

“There is time for everything, be patient” - Dad

“Good things come to those who wait” Mom

I am very fortunate to be a part of such a great support system, my family is everything I ask for and more.

I know my purpose, im just occupied in deep thought, drafting how I will live out my purpose and fulfill my destiny on this place called earth.

Feelings rush like wild fire.

When it takes over your body

It consumes you, makes you feel like  nothing even matters.

The bills that are late. The stress that you had, The tears that you cried

They all erase and disappear like it never happened.

Everything is beautiful, you notice things you never noticed before.

Like how beautiful the sun rises and sets.

Like how amazing the rainbow is when it stretches across the sky.

You sit there and smile at everything.

Everything is beautiful.

And then the little things make your days brighter

things like a good morning text.

“Hope you have a great day babe”

Things like him noticing you did your hair or painted your nails a different color.

Things like him making you breakfast in bed.’

And then you start doing things you never thought you would do.

you let him change you for the better.

You grow together.

What else could be more perfect.

Your friends and everyone like him … its bliss.

And then it becomes bland. DRASTICALLY…

there is no in between.. its goes downhill.

He gets comfortable, you get comfortable. you both relax

Then you sit and wonder what happened.

Where did it go wrong…..

You look for the answers but does anyone ever know.

“How did we get here” you ask each other over and over

and then you live with it.

It is unbearable but the storm calms and then its back to the day before the day you met.

Everything is just plain you think your heart will never love again.

you think its has been stabbed and jabbed at and that it is the end.

And then there he is . AGAIN you play the game of life.

Feelings rush like wild fire.

When it takes over your body

It consumes you, makes you feel like  nothing even matters.

The bills that are late. The stress that you had, The tears that you cried

They all erase and disappear like it never happened.

The cycle continues until you meet “the one” the one God made for you.

The one who makes everything beautiful.

He plants LOVE in you and him and in everything around you.

Everything becomes beautiful but this time its forever.

So you beat her every night

When you come home from your date with that bottle.

You cheat on her every night with this bottle

You even touch this bottle in ways you haven’t touched her in days.

Wait days?? no lets make that  months.

You have a child with her, Can you remember??

Do you know that you have responsibilities?

Did you know that this child didn’t ask to be here?

You rather treat your $$ to the same bar every night.

You lay your hands on her, What does this do for you?

Does it make you feel like a man?

Does it make you feel like you have control?

Is your other lover the cause of this?

You keep her in bondage.

She stays in an abusive relationship because you cant man up to let her go.

You know she is your world and without her you have no world.

You know without her food, clothes and shelter wont exit.

You know she is a hero and she is more than you can ever be

You know she is Strong.

You know she is courageous.

Well if you didnt know these things.

Now you do and I hope you reevaluate your life.

Now you know you are the same as a dead beat dad.

We might as well call you a sperm donor.

An abusive wreck, A disaster.

Most of all a coward.

 BUT YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN and for this I weep…..

And when your heart is broken but your mind is strong be courageous and listen to your mind. it will help you mend your broken heart, only you possess the answers to your heartache - Eveliz

Emerging adulthood is a term coined by author and researcher Dr. Arnett, this term has caught my attention because when i look around this theory seems to be true. What “emerging adulthood” essentially means is that  the individual is in between childhood and full fledged adulthood. The individual is typically between the ages of 18-30.

This period in their life’s can be categorized as an “Oasis of freedom for exploration and finding oneself” An emerging adult is in- between the “living in parents house,under parents rules and curfews and “responsibilities such as house rent payments, marriage and providing for children” period of their life.

According to several researches on emerging adulthood it has been said that there are five components that are present in emerging adulthood.

The components include:

• Identity Exploration - at this point the individual begins to find themselves, engaging in things that will tell them more about themselves.
• Possibilities - They begin to question what their options are, they find themselves asking questions like should they get married? who should they marry, should they go to graduate school  etc.
• Stress/Instability - Worrying about possibilities brings about stress, most individuals begin to stress about where they are and where they feel they should be.
• Self focus - Just as it says this is when the individual is responsible for self and the focus is on them alone.
• Feeling in between - At this stage the individual  feels like an adult in some ways but not in others.

According to Arnett the emerging adulthood stage can be healthy IF the individual has a plan.

It is also interesting to note that in the 1950s full fledged adulthood was very common , men got married at 22 and women got married at about 20/21 years old. Now there is a wide age gap when it comes to full fledged adulthood, more men are getting married at 27 or later and women at the age of 25.

The big question is are “adults using this time productively?” Are they using this time to explore work themselves and their world views?

Do you find yourself in the emerging adulthood stage? I know that i personally can identify with this in many ways in which i will address in later blogs. I will try to look at each component and see where i fit in that.

If you have any questions email me at chocolaitfacebella@yahoo.com

Its FLU Season people so “hide your wife, hide your kids, hide your husbands” cos its attacking everybody out here lol. But on a more serious note. like the title says it is very much Flu season, everyone and their cousin is sick:( I myself has fallen into the flu victim statistics this year. I have been sick since Sunday so today is my 6th day of coughing, sneezing, and feeling totally miserable.

For all of you that have no clue what the Flu season is and what the heck im talking about well, it is the attack of a virus also known as INFLUENZA hence the “FLU” It is pretty much seasonal and comes around  almost every year. This is a virus that attacks the lungs throat and nose. As crazy as this might sound it is also life threatning in severe complicated situations. “Over a period of 30 years, between 1976 and 2006, estimates of flu-associated deaths range from a low of about 3,000 to a high of about 49,000 people. Some people, such as older people, young children, pregnant women, and people with certain health conditions  are at high risk for serious flu complications”

It is very contagious so I implore you to NOT shake or hug anyone till this is over. If possible carry a hand sanitizer with you everywhere you go and if you must shake or dap somebody up pull out your sanitizer and clean right after. And I dont care how in love you are if you are sick please DO NOT go around kissing on your other half.

I REST MY CASE…… But pray for me, my chest is hurting and im feeling like shyt.

According to Sociologists the reason why youths take drugs is because

“1. Growing up in disorganized areas in which there is a high degree of hopelessness,poverty and despair.

2. Peer Pressure.

3.Parental substance abuse.

4.Emotional Problems.

5. Suffering from general problem behavior syndrome.”

Well if none of the reasons why you engage in drug taking beahavior is listed up there please enlighten me. Why do you get high? Dont tell me there is no reason or purpose behind it then you would be calling yourself useless with no brain cells. Ok too harsh there but you get my point.

 When I heard about the kitchen party I knew I just had to share this with you. And if you are thinking this is all about SEX then yes you took a good guess it is. Now sex with who when and how????? Well its sex in African traditions. Wait a minute now. I hear you saying PAUSE, I have never heard hot and steamy sex in a statement that describes African traditions. African traditions are more on the conservative side when it comes to everything so how come there is a loop hole in the system.

Now Kitchen Parties are a tradition embedded in the marriage process of some African countries, I have heard particularly of the Zambians and Tanzanians and this sparked my interest. Kitchen parties are nothing more than what is referred to as a Wedding shower here in America.But there is a big twist to this kind of shower. I’m sure alot of men would love their women to have this kind of wedding showers.

Women are taught by the older women in the village or in the immediate family how to treat your man and fulfill his  every need. I told you the guys would love this, well from now on guys tune in, this are some of the things they teach at the Kitchen Party.

• How to entice your man.
• How to have sex  if you aren’t experienced, the thrust motions especially.
• Little things to do and wear to turn him on.
• How to keep him fully satisfied and wanting only you.

They get so desciptive that they tell you things like how to sway your hips when you do chores and bendover in a sexy way when you pick things up. This is definately a way to keep things spicy no doubt. But do these men get any kind of training?? if they don’t this is not fair in any way. Umm women want to feel the love too!!!!! Nobody wants a man that just sits around and does nothing to spice up the union.

Anyway I would be wrong if I do not mention that sex is not the only topic of discussion, of course people bring gifts and they chat and take lots of pictures and do other happy soon to be married things lol.